You Are Not Alone

I'm not referring to the Michael Jackson song. Although it is a great song, and is now stuck in my head.

I wanted to write about something that has become important for me to share. Which is the daunting reality of dealing with depression and anxiety. I often find myself in a place of not having ambition or not wanting to care. I know a lot of people suffer from this as well, and might be afraid to express it. Hearing from other people speak up about their struggles has helped me, and I hope to become another voice of reason. 

I often put so much pressure on myself to not make mistakes that I end up being self deprecating. I end up not reaching my full potential. Luckily, I have made some progress in calming my high stress levels (which has accumulated for many years), and am becoming mentally stronger. 

I am learning how to become more transparent to the people I am closest to. That way they get what I'm going through - instead of me resenting them for not understanding. 

"There shouldn't be any shame in the struggle of doing what you love." Jen Gotch, founder & CCO of ban.do 

Sure, I have taken many risks in the form of moving to different places. I guess I'm a bit of a cautiously ambitious introvert. But a lot of anxiety takes place beforehand. Traveling, in some ways, has been a way of escaping. It's nice to get away from reality and from disappointing things/people (don't let the disappointment linger in the background). 

However, traveling has also become the greatest learning and growing platform for me. And has brought me to overcome a lot of my insecurities and shyness. What I have experienced has pushed and challenged me to do things that at some point, thought I could never accomplish. Which is probably why I talk about traveling so much. Sorry, not sorry?

The biggest reward from living and visiting different places, has been the multicultural friendships built. Meeting people with different backgrounds and stories is the most valuable aspect of life in my opinion. Being able to find similarities with people who have different upbringings, who grew up speaking different languages, who eat different foods, and who have been different places. It all forms a wealth of knowledge and understanding that can not be taught any other way. 

I get that not everyone has been exposed to these types of situations, and that's okay. I understand that not everyone has the opportunity to travel. But there are similar opportunities in our own surroundings and communities. It's not difficult to find people who have moved from other places, who have different backgrounds, and people who process things differently - if we are open to it. There are a lot of people who wish to be acknowledged and heard.

I am grateful to the people in my life who have taught me that diversity is a beautiful thing and who have listened to me at my low points. And thankful that my mind has been able to process it all, and expand more and more through each experience.

If you deal with similar issues, find someone to talk to. I have learned there are many ears willing to listen if you speak up and if you acknowledge the ones who love you. However, not everyone will be there in the way you need, make sure to be discerning. And if you are someone who doesn't suffer from something like anxiety, but know people who do - I encourage you to learn how to best communicate with them. Saying things like, "get over it", can tend to put them in a darker hole.

The main notes I want to leave here are; love differences, appreciate those around you, and speak the truth rationally.

You are good enough. 

Dream Big

I find it humorous that I am writing about this subject after recently moving to a city people associate with the 'land of dreams'. What I have observed is, a lot of dreams end up dying here as well. But dreams can live or die anywhere. The key factor is to be persistent, and to not lose focus on why you started in the first place.

It takes me back to the line from Pretty Woman - 'Welcome to Hollywood! What's your dream? Everybody comes here; this is Hollywood, land of dreams. Some dreams come true, some don't; but keep on dreamin' — this is Hollywood. Always time to dream, so keep on dreamin.'

I have definitely been in a place before where I had lost the vision for my life, and I never want to be there again. It is a place of feeling like you will never end up where you want to be. A place of thinking, 'why should I even try?' You end up not being your true self, which will definitely not get you to your ideal place.

All of these thoughts rushed through my brain after going to Hillsong this past Sunday. Hillsong is a church associated with controversy at times because they have campuses all over the world. But they are a church that is persistent with their vision. The global pastor, Brian Houston, shared Sunday how he wrote out his dreams years ago of where he saw Hillsong's future. And how those dreams align with where the church is today. I can attest to this being true, because I studied at Hillsong College about eight years ago (wow), when they had just started to launch campuses in other countries.  

I had a realization that the very reason I moved out west, besides the beautiful coast, was to revive my dreams/vision. With that said, I don’t think you have to move away to realize your dreams. But you don’t have to stay in the same place either. And because I live close to Hollywood, my dream doesn’t have to include wanting to be a movie star. But if it does, who cares. There should be no limits to our dreams. Our dreams are ours, and if we don't attempt at making them a reality, we can't mope about not being where we had hoped.

I don’t think I’m 'living the dream' but I am attempting at taking the necessary steps to get there. One of my dreams is to be involved in a community of positive people who want to help others. So I'm going to take Brian's advice, and never stop dreaming. 

No matter what you believe, I hope that if you have felt like your dreams are lost, that they would be revived. And I honestly believe we’re never too old to dream. We’ll always be living along with others. And whether we like it or not, the way we live effects the people we do life with.

I encourage you to not be reserved with your dreams.

MUA

Majority of my career has been in retail cosmetics. Although I had previously performed many makeovers, I didn't realize how much I enjoy makeup artistry until doing makeup for a few photoshoots. 

While in Dallas, my friend pursued photography for modeling agencies. While getting more into it, he asked if we could collaborate. Below are some of my favorite photos from the shoots (I worked with hair on all of these assignments as well).

 

I see makeup as a tool to enhance what is already there, not to cover it up. I enjoyed receiving creative direction from the photographer, and being able to add my own esthetic to each look. It was satisfying to help bring the photographer's vision to life.

View more of Andrew's photographs here: Andrew Arceri

West Coast

Years ago I would have never imagined living in Los Angeles. However, a couple of months ago, the idea of moving here swarmed my mind after my roommates in Dallas mentioned moving to San Diego. I thought to myself, I want to live on the west coast too. After further consideration, I realized that I actually knew a lot of people in L.A. And from that point on, I made the decision to figure out how to 'make it work'. When I told friends, family, and coworkers of my decision, they were all very supportive and had confidence that I could handle it.

So here I am, in the city of dreams. And have been very welcomed with great roommates, awesome coworkers and amazing weather!

In the thirteen days of being here, I have gone to the ocean, gone hiking, sent lots of emails, talked to artists, and drank a lot of coffee. 

On the not so exciting note, I found out my cat who I left behind has leukemia. Which has made it more difficult for my dear friend back in Lafayette to find a home for him. Before I left, and his diagnosis, he had two home options. But since both of those places have cats, it is no longer became an option. 

I felt so helpless being far away and that my friend had to deal with it all. Thankfully, we found out yesterday that he will have a home with a lady in Austin, TX who has a leukemia positive cat as well. So he will be living in a cool city AND have a friend! A big weight has been lifted.

I have a couple of thoughts from all of this. One - it’s crazy how attached we get to our pets. I cried so much when I heard of the news, and then felt like I was on the verge of tears the rest of the week. He was with me during a lot of my transitional times within the past five years. It reminds me of the movie Marley & Me - definitely had the ugly cry going on both times I watched the movie!

Two - moving to an unfamiliar place is difficult and teaches you a lot, quickly. I think that’s why I love doing it. Moving forces you to meet new people and explore the unknown.

I definitely miss my family and Louisiana cookin’ (and of course my cat), but I am truly happy with the decision to move here. And am so thankful for my amazing friends all over the globe!

I encourage you to step out of your comfort zone.

Pretty Places

From left to right, top to bottom:

Toledo, Spain - My mom and I took a three week trip to Spain in the summer of 2006. We explored many cities such as Madrid, Barcelona, and Seville. Toledo is in central Spain, on a mountaintop surrounded by the Tagus River. The youth hostel we stayed in, Albergue San Servando, is housed in a mideval castle. I loved the historical factor of this city. And I loved the whole culture of Spain. They work hard, but know how to relaxed and enjoy their time with people. Most of Europe seems to be this way.

New York City, NY - I was able to stay in NYC for a few days on my way back from studying abroad in Paris. I visited my friends who had just moved there. I tried to see as many sights as possible during this short visit - such as the Statue of Liberty (from the free ferry ride), the Empire State Building, and Serendipity 3.

Epernay, France - Also known as champaign country. This was a day trip while studying abroad, where we took a tour of the Moët & Chandon factory (they are co-owners of Louis-Vuitton). We toured the cold basements where all of the champaign is stored and learned about the history and process. We also visited a family vineyard, which was much smaller and more personal. 

Cairo, Egypt - I went to Egypt for five weeks during summer of 2008. My mom was living there at the time, teaching at an American school. My grandmaw and aunt joined in on this excursion! We saw amazing sites throughout the trip. After a few days of getting somewhat settled, we went on a nile cruise. This particular experience would have to be noted as the most interesting of all. We toured many ancient tombs and temples, and became familiar with the very dry heat.

Foster, Australia - Foster is about two or so hours north of Sydney. I was able to go there for about a week with friends to relax during a school holiday. We mainly went to the beach everyday, took walks and prepared small meals. It is a quaint town, but very beautiful.

Sydney, Australia - I lived in Sydney for a year from July 2007 - July 2008. I studied at Hillsong College, an experience that is dear to my heart because it was fairly different from my other traveling experiences. It was a time of getting away from familiarity, and learning in a completely different environment. It was also a time of forming tight bonds. We were all away from our family and comfort zones, that we had to rely on each other. I love how I met someone from just about every country during this gap year. And that I am still close to many of them after all these years. 

Paris, France - oh la la! During the summer of 2011 I studied abroad in Paris through ULL. I started the trip not knowing any of the fellow students - a whole new adventure. Since growing up taking french immersion courses, I formed a desire to travel to France. Just as expected, I felt at home there. My grandmaw explained that she felt at home when she visited Germany, because she has heritage there. That's how I felt in Paris. 

The last two are from Portugal - After being in Paris for six weeks, I went to Portugal to visit my mom. She was teaching at an American school again. We went to Porto, Portugal for a few days where port wine is made. It was all fine and dandy, however, I had a miserable time in the airport on my way back to Paris where they confiscated my mace. I completely forgot I had it, and apparently mace is illegal in Portugal. Needless to say, I signed police papers, payed 100 euros and got on my plane one minute before takeoff with blood shot eyes from crying the whole time. 

Other places visited, but not pictured - Vancouver, Quebec, Oaxaca, and Santa Cruz, Bolivia. They were experienced before the expansion of the digital camera and the invention of the iPhone. I can see myself telling the younger generation, 'back in my day, we used to develop our pictures, and take less selfies.' Although my generation might have invented the selfie during the Myspace era. 

Anyway, I often get nostalgic about these places and enjoy looking through the photos and reliving the memories. It's time to make new ones!

Where do you dream of traveling to?

Unconditional Gratitude

Being genuinely appreciative is a win-win situation. Not only does this gesture of thankfulness make the other person feel valued, but it can give you a since of fulfillment as well.

It definitely takes a conscious effort to thank people on a normal basis, and to recognize the good in them. I surely fall short of this, because small gestures can have the tendency to be overlooked. And our pride can get the best of us where we only see how something is affecting us, rather than attempting to understand the other person's actions. I'm giving myself goals to appreciate and notice the people around me. And even though this might not have been practiced thoroughly in the past, does not mean we can't start now. There is always room for improvement!

Handwritten notes are making a comeback. I love blank cards with nice covers. They can be given to loved ones or even sent to companies after job interviews.

There is no specific way of showing gratitude. Make it your own and cater to people's personalities.

I encourage you to find creative ways of appreciating the ones in your life.